Thursday, August 30, 2007

Do You Know This Guy?

I Am

I work in a large, nice office.

I live for happy hours and private parties.

I work long hours and get paid big. I am the young “tiger” in the office. I am the reason my company is getting really big. My company is hotter than yours. I am the reason “Boiler Room” was written and I can quote more of “Wall Street” than you. I know that guy. We party at my boss’s mansion. He buys us alcohol.

I could nail your receptionist. I can make her laugh when I walk in. I can get her number. I don’t have your card because I don’t care. I’m going to Hawaii next week. I’m great on the phone. I have a nicer tie on than you. My tie is tied nicer then yours. I don’t even have to wear a tie if I don’t want to. I have bigger deals than you. I’m always downtown. I have a new phone. I know that place. I can quote “Office Space”, “Glengerry Glen Ross”, “Wedding Crashers”.

My taxes are complicated, but I’ve got a guy that does them for me. I’ve got an assistant. I’ve always been to that restaurant before. I don’t need an MBA. I am savvy. I’ll put you on hold because I have big money on the other line. My 401(k) is getting huge. I complain about taxes. I already have almost twenty-five grand in equity in the place I’m living.I’m out late every weekend. I drink all day. I drink premium alcohol. I love my alma mater. You see what university I went to when you walk into my office.

The old guys in the office like me because I’m ‘young and aggressive’ and like to hear my stories. I practice my swing. I spend a lot of money. My frat was better than your frat. I can take time off work whenever I want. I don’t have a set schedule. I’m on my own schedule. I never work weekends. I’m busy this weekend. I know which cigars are good. I claim I can go out and run my 3rd marathon.

You’ve got one, I’ve got two! I still dominate at Beer Pong. I know everything about IRAs. I have my real estate license. I haven’t told you exactly what I do, I’m a general consultant. When you’re dad needs advice and tells you he’s “Got a Guy”, he’s calling me.

I’ll ask if you saw that big play in that game. I played that course last weekend. My company rents the whole course when I say so. I know my football team’s record last season. I’m addicted to Fantasy Football and March Madness Bracketology. I’m a compulsive gambler.

I’ll put these drinks on my expense account, better than that, I’ll get the tax write-off in April.It was never as good as when I was there. I shouldn’t have a car this nice. I’m looking at buying a condo, make that a few condos. I wasn’t listening. I talk a lot. I know every dirty joke. I’m a darling to the ladies in the office. The other guys are tools. I’ve got a big future. I got invited to that wedding. I crashed that wedding.

All the guys I meet are idiots. I need to move companies because this one just can’t pay me right. I can tell you about how that nice restaurant you went to really isn’t that great. I’ve never heard of your company. I already went to the gym…twice. I talk about stocks. I wear my suit to every happy hour. I know the big man. I can stick it to the man because I am the man. I wear a nice watch. Your girlfriend likes nice watches.

I’m in the valet line waiting on my car. Need a car? I’ve got a guy that’ll hook you up. I check my messages when you’re trying to talk to me. I was just there. I know the good bars. I know the bouncer. I just got these sunglasses but I really want the five series beamer.

I’ll be at homecoming over by the stadium in the beer garden, with my own table. I have season tickets. I just got a big bonus. You might get my card. I’d flip a coin, but I only carry hundreds. I am everything that’s wrong in corporate America. I am everything you wish you could be.

I am the Business Frat Guy!

A good friend forwarded this to me in a email. If anybody knows the author, use the contact page and let me know so I can buy him a pitcher.Share This
from our friends at Fratastic