Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Watch Out! Moving Sorority House

Always yield right of way to houses
By Josh Benner, BG News (Bowling Green State University)

Being a humor columnist, it is always important to write jokes that people can relate to.

Comedy is truth. With that said, don't you hate it when you're driving your car, and all of a sudden, a sorority house runs out into the street right in front of you and you have to slam on the breaks to avoid it? That's the worst.

Yes, as most people have undoubtedly heard, a car hit the Pi Beta Phi house on Saturday.

I tried to tell the Bowling Green City Council they needed to put up those "sorority house crossing signs" on Wooster Street so that out-of-towners would know to keep an eye out, but it was voted down.

Thankfully, there were no injuries.

The driver, Brandon Ruhlen was taken to the hospital and later charged for failure to maintain reasonable control of his car (yeah, ya think) and the police also charged him with failure to wear a seat belt.

Yeah, because if he had been wearing a seat belt, I'm sure this whole situation could have been avoided.

Honestly, did you see the pictures?It looked like he hit an anti-tank mine, let's slam him for not buckling up. Why not also charge him for failure to yield ? when you see a brick wall, let it go.

Driver's Ed 101 - when careening towards a house, the house has the right of way - ALWAYS.

They also could have charged him with tailgating.

When driving towards a brick wall, you are always supposed to allow a car length per 10 miles times the number of beers you've had between you and the wall.

Really, this story speaks for itself. How do you drive into a house?

It's not like the Pi Phi house is like right next to the street either. There's a little incline that this car had to drive up to hit it.

I'm not a conspiracy theorist or anything, but I think it may have been a botched terrorist attack.

I know that they have special plates for people who get a DUI and they have talked about making special sex offender license plates.

I think lawmakers also should think about creating "people who ran into a house plates."It could just be like a brick duct taped to the back bumper with the license number etched into it, like it's a piece of the Berlin Wall.

Finally, being Greek as I am, and knowing that sororities like to make up T-shirts for events, I've come up with the perfect tee for Pi Phi to make to commemorate this event.

After all, it's not everyday that you find a car in your house (unless you live at Planet Hollywood).

The front of the T-shirt could show a car crashed into a house, and it'll say "Pi Phi - guys are always trying to hit on us."And then on the back of the shirt, it could show a picture of a rearview mirror and say "CAUTION: SORORITY HOUSES IN THE MIRROR ARE CLOSER THAN THEY APPEAR."